#musings

(entry #1)

As I was checking for more friends to add, I came across a picture of my former classmate who died last year. Its almost as if it never happened. He always dreamed of becoming an engineer, to sustain his family, especially his mom. He was very specific about it.

Then it brought me back -- back to the times where I feel like the whole world is ending in front of me, that everything is falling apart, and I know that, because all the habits I have tried to combat for the past years kept coming back like old friends with unfamiliar faces.

Earlier today I felt overwhelmed by all the activities that I need to pass before our academic break, I feel very exhausted, I feel like i need to rush things in order to get them done, and by that, I mean pressuring myself to do things I don't feel like doing at all.

And then I had this cunning realization; some of us feel like we are at the end of the world. That we're spiraling in a loop we cannot control, we are exhausted, we are tired, we are restless -- well, I am. I feel like things doesn't work quite as well anymore, but as I jot words in an empty google doc sheet feeling shitty and worn out, I got reminded of his dream; of his sheer determination and persistence.

I got reminded of his willingness to overcome huge boulders in order for him to become whoever he dreamt of being someday. I got reminded by his strength, his courage to turn battle scars into something beautiful. It reminded me to always be strong. To not give up, on my dreams, on myself, on my family, on the things that keeps me going.

Today I got reminded of his dream, tomorrow I will remind myself of mine too.

-Yahna Judilla, May 6, 2021

new series called "#musings". hope u guys have a good day. I'm back lmaoo :) love you all